A Candid Conversation Between Two Soldiers
A Veterans Story
Feeling Nostalgic
I have a special reading for you today, a collaborative piece between my buddy Matt and I. While scrolling “X”, formerly known as Twitter slightly after the ball dropped on New Year’s, I saw Matt's posts that got me thinking.
The first two posts made me think of how quickly time goes by. It seems like yesterday I was waking up at some absurd time, like 6 am on Christmas morning, to wake my mom up because I could not contain my excitement. I needed to see all the presents Santa and my family got me and remove the wrapping paper like a barbarian savage. Now, things are different; I sit here writing this with back pain, knowing that staying up past midnight will have consequences for the following days. I’m not saying I’m old by any means; mid 30’s is considered relatively young by most adults. I will say the military does a number on your body; think of it as the opposite of the Fountain of Youth. Let’s say you can call me Justin Ponce de León, ok moving on. Matt’s next post got my creative juices flowing.
This feeling is something I haven’t had in a long time; I almost forgot that I had ever had it. What I’m about to say next is not meant to make any civilian feel bad or put them down in any way, but to shed light on something you may never have thought about. I think many of us take the holidays and important life events for granted. A child’s birth, their first steps, Christmas, Easter, a loved one’s birthday, all things we will be around for unless we get ill or something of that nature. For active-duty personnel, this is a regular occurrence. If you join the military, you WILL miss one of these, or multiple, unfortunately. Without further ado, here’s Matt’s story.
Matthew Roth, USAF
“I never had the desire to serve in the Military. Despite growing up in an Air Force family where my dad served 21 years it was never anything I wanted to do. Yet, at 19 years old I wasn’t really doing anything with my life. I was working a dead-end job in my hometown of Bedford, Massachusetts, so I decided that perhaps I should toy with the idea. It wasn’t an immediate thing as I was pushing 300 lbs. and in order to even join, I’d need to lose 100 lbs. That was the first real test and something I had to really push myself to do. Of course, I did it and on May 28th, 2012 I went off to Lackland AFB , Tx and began my journey.
My name’s Matthew Roth and I have been in the Air Force for 12 years now. My career field is Petroleum, Oils, and Lubricants (POL) which, if I am being honest isn’t something I even enjoy doing but, I’ll get to that. I’ve deployed twice, once to Kuwait and once to Qatar. During my second deployment my son was born and again there was another big life test for me, and I couldn’t be there. During my time I’ve gone to some cool places such as an all-expenses paid trip to Hawaii, Wisconsin, Washington D.C., and Texas to name a few. I’ve lived in Florida, New Hampshire, Idaho, and now Virginia. The Air force has been good to me as far as my career goes and the places I have gone and things I have seen.
However, no experience isn’t without its ups and downs, right? When I first came in, basic was a breeze yet I had hit my first rough patch. I went through a rough break up while in technical training which led me down a destructive path with alcohol that spiraled even more during my first duty station in Florida. A toxic shop, being so far away from any real friends and family, and things were just plain bad. Truthfully, I even attempted to end my life during that time, to the surprise of which I'm still here. I met my wife, and we left Florida and from there I've had it pretty great.
The greatest experience in my career was when I took a special duty becoming a Readiness NCO. My entire job was dedicated to taking care of deployed members and their families. I ran events, I taught resiliency, and I was damn good at it. All good things end as I had to return to POL and thus here I am in Virginia where I get to take my knowledge and dedicate my life towards taking care of those under my command.
I’ve got 8 years until I can retire. I wish each and every day I could just get out and live my own life, do what I want to do, not have to worry about leaving my family for extended periods of time. I’m only still in because at 40 I get a guaranteed pension and I’m set for life. I used to love the Air Force but if I’m being honest now, It’s just a job. I don’t enjoy it, I just happen to be good at it. Maybe that’s what the Air Force needs though, to help combat the toxicity it helps breed. 8 years. It’s a lot like waiting to get out of jail in a way. But I’m proud of what I have done. I would do it again. It's taught me so much about myself and life skills. If you’re someone reading this and you’re like me, my advice is this. Set yourself up now for the future, take care of your people, and remember you’re just a number that can be replaced. Take care of your mental health and family. Oh and, never take your work home with you.”
Reactions & Thoughts
Just like Matt, I never really thought about serving either. My grandpa served in the Navy during WWII, though we never spoke about it, and he died while I was in basic training. Kuwait is a popular deployment, and it was where my unit was supposed to go. About a year and a half into my contract, as the conflict in Iraq was dying down (supposedly), we received emergency deployment orders to Camp Buehring, Kuwait. Given how Camp Buehring is 15 miles from Iraq’s southern border, it would have been perfect for our deployment as Quick Response Force (QRF). QRF is essentially an emergency unit; we would have been in full combat gear with our weapons, waiting on orders to assist ambushed units in Iraq. I was so excited. Finally, I was going to get a combat patch that I could wear on my uniform, and maybe I could use all these skills and training. Being QRF in Iraq meant you were guaranteed to fire your weapon downrange (deployed), and you would come back with some stories. As my buddy Kia would say, we would be “Bangin in the hot 9-7” for sure.
*Disclosure – These were the thoughts of a young 21-year-old soldier going stir-crazy in the Midwest. Getting older, I can confidently say these stories aren’t “cool”; they are traumatizing. Every person I know who has deployed to a combat zone has left a piece of themselves there.
I’ll go into more detail about deployments in another article. Referring to my comment about military members missing important life events, Matt missed his son’s birth, which is not an easy thing to do. This is something civilians, retirees, and Veterans should not forget or take for granted. Military members are making these sacrifices so that we don’t have to. Because of this, we can safely and freely enjoy these life events with our families.
Matt mentions hitting a depressive rough patch and turning to alcohol, something that’s more common than we realize among service members. I joined the military at 19, which is reasonably young. Many of my Non-Commissioned Officers (NCOS/Sergeants) deployed to Iraq and Afghanistan, some even at the beginning of the conflict. Deploying is never easy, though there was something eerily more difficult about deploying during the beginning of a conflict. The soldiers who deployed during the 2001, 02, 03 ish period didn’t have many perks that soldiers do today. They couldn’t just pick up a phone, call their families, or go to the computer area and surf the web; bases and FOBs (forward operating bases) weren’t fully established yet. Many of them were heavy drinkers, though it didn’t stand out because everyone was. Additionally, talking about mental health wasn’t encouraged, even though senior leadership would tell you differently.
I distinctly remember being a private in training, and a Drill Sergeant told a story about deploying to Iraq during its initial stages. He and his unit were out on a mission, away from their base for weeks. To meet military standards, they would shave their face with whatever equipment they had, which happened to be a dull razor on dry skin (there was no shaving cream). He mentioned it would cut up their faces, but they had to meet the standard. You may be asking if they needed to shave. They didn’t have any water to use? Or, what’s the point of this story? The answer is yes; they did need to shave, per Army regulation 670-1, the policy for proper wear and appearance of Army uniforms and insignia. Yes, they had water, but when you’re deployed in a combat zone in the middle of the desert, every last drop is for survival. Lastly, the point of this story is to display how dedicated these soldiers are to their mission and to give you a visual image of how difficult deploying can be.
Matt talks about how his job has changed multiple times in the Air Force. When you’re a servicemember, your needs come after the needs of the military. If the military needs you at a different base in another state, you’re moving; if they need you to fill a spot in another job, you’re doing it; and if they need you to deploy during Christmas, you’re going. A good reference is when the Army recently told hundreds of soldiers they had recruiting orders, whether they wanted to be recruiters or not. This has to do with the drastically low recruitment numbers I mentioned in a previous article; again, the Army put its needs first.
Lastly, we will discuss retirement and transitioning out of the military (see my article on Transitioning to Civilian Life HERE). Matt is over the halfway mark, which is a feat within itself. Eight years to receive a lifelong pension and benefits may not seem like a long time, but when all you can think about is getting out and living a “normal” life, it can be an eternity. I remember asking my NCOs who had served 10-15 years why they were getting out; why not just ride out the rest for the benefits? They would shrug it off and say they were ready for the next chapter. The honest answer is they were just done. Done missing holidays and birthdays, done burying friends, done living in random locations far away from their family, just done. I want to finish this writing with, coincidentally, the last thing Matt wrote because I want it to resonate with you. “Take care of your mental health and family. Oh, and never take your work home with you.”